Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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