O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
