My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
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I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
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What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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