yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I need mimosas to revive my soul
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
