Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
