I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Randomize
