he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
