none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
