Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
