I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
