If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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