My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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