girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
