I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
