when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
