just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
