that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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