well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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