Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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