peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
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