and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
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last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
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There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
His nipple licking is glorious
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