So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Randomize
