yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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