I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Randomize
