Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
