I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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