her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
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