Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(240): View more from Maryland

I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!

(301): View more from Maryland

OMG! Ew.

(240): View more from Maryland

Lucky Dad.

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(502): View more from Kentucky

I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol

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(770): View more from Georgia

Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?

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(713): View more from Texas

He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.

Fav 23 7587 1340
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(315): View more from New York

idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.

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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work

Fav 3 1266 3508
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(913): View more from Kansas

You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .

Fav 1 2236 1369
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(403): View more from Alberta, CA

They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.

Fav 1 421 142
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(606): View more from Kentucky

Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.

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