It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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