I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
