finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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