Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
