the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
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