new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
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you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
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He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
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