I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
