everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
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