PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
