i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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