hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
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My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
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I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
tell me about the fingering
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