Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
lets start a swedish sibling band together
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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