Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
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