She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
