I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Randomize
