Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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