dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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