The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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