end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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