New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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