remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Randomize
