Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
