he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
