i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
