If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
