My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
