im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
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