I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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