i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
