Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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