This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
